How do you know when you are finished?

"When you are finished having children you will just know. You will feel complete and like you are done". These are words that I have heard over and over through the past years of being a parent. After we had Frankie I felt this, well I thought I did anyway until she had grown and left the harder ages. I then found myself falling in love with the idea of growing our family (something that I never thought would happen, especially the thought of pushing out another one after her long and hard birth!). 

Breastfeeding with D-MER

In short, breastfeeding made me want to curl up and die. Not because it was painful (although the first few weeks of engorged, hot boobs and cracked nipples were hell!) but because I suffered with D-MER. D-MER stands for dysphoric milk ejection reflex. It means that my hormones had gone haywire, and the hormone dopamine dropped way too low when I “let down” (when my milk started to come out). Instead of feeling all of those beautiful, loving and bonding emotions, I instantly felt like I had been hit by a truckload of depression. I don’t know why it happened to me, but I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, so I assume my dopamine levels are already pretty low. This isn’t the usual anxiety that I’ve experienced before though, this was a whole other ball game.