Am I enough?
Am I enough?
Those words. Am I Enough. Ok Kristen, just stop for a moment, stop and think. Stop and take a moment. Step away from the screaming toddler, step away from the little voices calling Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum. Step away from the 8 year old minecraft encyclopaedia, step away from the beautiful dancing ballerina and just think. Think about the opinion you have formed about yourself.
Am I enough?
If you had asked me this 2 months ago I would have answered like this....
You are stressed.
You are flustered.
You look tired.
You actually look exhausted.
There is so much you want to do that you've given up on doing any of it.
You have an intense need to be perfect.
You don't appreciate your children. ( this one is hard to admit)
You need to lose weight.
You need to fix your skin.
You need to take more pride in your appearance.
You need to need to be a better wife.
Seriously Shave much?
You need to better.
You are too nice.
I could keep going, but really do I need to?
My opinion of myself is one that I would not even form of my worst enemy yet this is how I see me? one word...SHOCKED!
Lets all be honest for one moment. Life is hard. some days it feels hard to even get up out of bed. I thought the weight that I felt was from the opinions of others but little did I know, they were my opinions of myself. How did I get to this point? Since when did I become someone I didn't love? when did I become someone I didn't even like? I had become someone I didn't even recognise and whats even worse is that I didn't even know it had happened. Those I love would ask constantly, Kristen is everything ok? you look so tense all the time, you don't even smile anymore. I have always been someone that had a mission of bringing a smile to every single person I met but now I couldn't even bring a smile to me.
How do you admit this? how do you even go about admitting this to yourself let alone speaking out. How do you change this? How do you choose happiness? How was I to verbalise my feelings to the point where I could be accountable? Well, you do it step by step. You change one thing at a time.
Enough was enough. I just went for it, I shut out all the voices and wrote down exactly what I needed to do to make ME happy. Having a happy wife, having a happy Mum well...... That will change an entire household. I watched on as every little step forward I made in myself was 100 steps forward in our family. I was laughing again. I was spontaneous. I sat with my children on the beach and watched the sun set instead of rushing around making sure every single thing was perfect at every moment. We went for runs and played games until we all collapsed puffing on the grass. We were happy. My biggest surprise? how vulnerable I could be without even trying! I was able to talk openly. I said goodbye to toxic things in my life and decided I was more important then those I was constantly trying to impress. I let go of trying to be that "perfect Mum" and that "perfect wife" and embraced being the Mum and wife I am.
I always want to be transparent with you all. I want to be open and honest and express who I am and how I feel. Self love, self confidence are something that should be so important to all of us. Not only for us as Mothers but as Women. Women are beautifully different. We are soft, we are kind, we are nurturing, we are fierce, we are empowered, we are virtuous, we are tough, we are desirable, we are sexy, we are graceful. I could go on forever. None of us give ourselves the credit we should. We are women! Do I want to be (don't hate me for this) the same as a man? NO! I am a Women and being a women is everything I aspire to be (and sooo much more).
Ladies - YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY JUST AS YOU ARE!
We need to stop trying to be perfect, we need to stop trying to be someone who we are not and we all need to remember that who we are IS enough! let go of those opinions we have formed against ourselves and learn to love ourselves just as the women we are.
Do me a favour - Take a piece of paper and write down every bad thought you think of yourself. Be completely honest. Done? Good. Now take it and physically (and safely) Burn it! Say goodbye to those old thoughts, they are gone! Now write down every positive thought you have about yourself, write everything, right down to the "I like how I handle this" or "I like my eyes or the mole on my neck" Be totally honest.
Empower yourself to love yourself.